VERSELŐ | Rupi Kaur: the sun and her flowers

Idén télen-kora tavasszal olvastam Rupi Kaur nagy népszerűségnek örvendő verseskötetét, a milk & honey-t. Már ekkor úgy éreztem, hogy Kaur a kedvenceim közé fog tartozni, de a legújabb kiadványa, mely mindössze pár hete jelent meg, teljesen meggyőzött arról, hogy Ő az új kedvenc költőnőm. Imádom a minimalista  stílust, szóhasználatot, amit képvisel, a teljesen letisztult metaforáit, s a rajzokat, amikkel díszítette a könyvét. 

  A the sun and her flowers hasonló témákat feszeget, mint az előző kötet, de mégis úgy érzem, hogy egy teljesen más hangulatú gyűjteményt tarthat a kezében az olvasó. Nagyrészt a gyász, a self-love és önelfogadás irányába ment el, de sok versben előfordul a migráció és feminizmus, mint téma. Engem éppen jókor talált meg, mivel egy olyan időszakon mentem át, amikor nem szerettem az életem, sem magamat. Teljesen elárasztottak a feladatok (nem mintha amúgy ez változott volna valamicskét eddig - főleg, hogy sajnos őszi szünetem sem lesz), és magamra, a lelkem ápolására nemigazán jutott időm. Nagyon sokat lendített rajtam, s bár sokszor kissé depressziósabbak a versek - a wilting és falling részben ez a legjellemzőbb -, de a többi fejezetből (rooting, rising, blooming) süt a remény.

  Imádtam majdnem minden verset, s számomra egy hatalmas lelki töltetet adott a the sund and her flowers. Alig várom, hogy Rupi egy újabb kötettel rukkoljon elő: én biztos vevője leszek. 

the road to changing the world 
is never-ending 
– pace yourself

you are a mirror 

if you continue to starve yourself of love 

you’ll only meet people who’ll starve you too 

if you soak yourself in love 

the universe will hand you those 

who’ll love you too 

– a simple math

the day you have everything 

i hope you remember 

when you had nothing

it was when i stopped searching for home within others 

and lifted the foundations of home within myself 

i found there were no roots more intimate 

than those between a mind and body 

that have decided to be whole

learning to not envy 
someone else’s blessings 
is what grace looks like

to hate 

is an easy lazy thing 

but to love 

takes strength 

everyone has 

but not all are 

willing to practice

there are far too many mouths here 

but not enough of them are worth 

what you’re offering 

give yourself to a few 

and to those few 

give heavily 

– invest in the right people

it has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of my life. i learned 

everything is temporary. moments. feelings. people. flowers. i learned love is 

about giving. everything. and letting it hurt. i learned vulnerability is always the 

right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so very difficult 

to remain soft. i learned all things come in twos. life and death. pain and joy. salt 

and sugar. me and you. it is the balance of the universe. it has been the year of 

hurting so bad but living so good. making friends out of strangers. making 

strangers out of friends. learning mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix just 

about everything. and for the pains it can’t there will always be my mother’s 

arms. we must learn to focus on warm energy. always. soak our limbs in it and 

become better lovers to the world. for if we can’t learn to be kind to each other 

how will we ever learn to be kind to the most desperate parts of ourselves.

i do not need the kind of love 
that is draining 
i want someone 
who energises me

the way you speak of yourself 

the way you degrade yourself 

into smallness 

is abuse

-self-harm

when death 

takes my hand 

i will hold you with the other 

and promise to find you 

in every lifetime 

– commitment

but without you here 

everything at its best 

is only mediocre

what is it with you and sunflowers he asks
i point to the field of yellow outside
sunflowers worship the sun i tell him
only when it arrives do they rise
when the sun leaves
they bow their heads in mourning
that is what the sun does to those flowers
it’s what you do to me
– the sun and her flowers

i am trying to not 

make you pay for their mistakes 

i am trying to teach myself 

you are not responsible 

for the wound 

how can i punish you 

for what you have not done 

you wear my emotions 

like a decorated army vest 

you are not cold or 

savage or hungry 

you are medicinal 

you are not them

i want to go back in time and sit beside her. document her in a home movie so 

my eyes can spend the rest of their lives witnessing a miracle. the one whose life 

i never think of before mine. i want to know what she laughed about with 

friends. in the village within houses of mud and brick. surrounded by acres of 

mustard plant and sugarcane. i want to sit with the teenage version of my mother. 

ask about her dreams. become her pleated braid. the black kohl caressing her 

eyelids. the flour neatly packed into her fingertips. a page in her schoolbooks. 

even to be a single thread of her cotton dress would be the greatest gift. 

– to witness a miracle

what if 

there isn’t enough time 

to give her what she deserves 

do you think 

if i begged the sky hard enough 

my mother’s soul would 

return to me as my daughter 

so i can give her 

the comfort she gave me 

my whole life

when it came to listening
my mother taught me silence
if you are drowning their voice with yours
how will you hear them she asked
when it came to speaking
she said do it with commitment
every word you say
is your own responsibility
when it came to being
she said be tender and tough at once
you need to be vulnerable to live fully
but rough enough to survive it all
when it came to choosing
she asked me to be thankful
for the choices i had that
she never had the privilege of making
– lessons from mumma

look at what they’ve done 

the earth cried to the moon 

they’ve turned me into one entire bruise 

– green and blue

the irony of loneliness

is we all feel it

at the same time

- together

wish pure love and soft peace 

upon the ones 

who’ve been unkind to you 

and keep moving forward 

– this will free you both

let it go
let it leave
let it happen
nothing
in this world
was promised or
belonged to you anyway
– all you own is yourself

you do not just wake up and become the butterfly 

– growth is a process

i hear a thousand kind words about me 

and it makes no difference 

yet i hear one insult 

and all confidence shatters 

– focusing on the negative

a lot of times 

we are angry at other people 

for not doing what 

we should have done for ourselves 

– responsibility

rise
said the moon
and the new day came
the show must go on said the sun
life does not stop for anybody
it drags you by the legs
whether you want to move forward or not
that is the gift
life will force you to forget how you long for them
your skin will shed till there is not
a single part of you left they’ve touched
your eyes finally just your eyes
not the eyes which held them
you will make it to the end
of what is only the beginning
go on
open the door to the rest of it
– time

i wonder if i am 

beautiful enough for you 

or if i am beautiful at all 

i change what i am wearing 

five times before i see you 

wondering which pair of jeans will make 

my body more tempting to undress 

tell me 

is there anything i can do 

to make you think 

her 

she is so striking 

she makes my body forget it has knees 

write it in a letter and address it 

to all the insecure parts of me 

your voice alone drives me to tears 

yours telling me i am beautiful 

yours telling me i am enough

love does not look like a person 

love is our actions 

love is giving all we can 

even if it’s just the bigger slice of cake 

love is understanding 

we have the power to hurt one another 

but we are going to do everything in our power 

to make sure we don’t 

love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserve 

and when someone shows up 

saying they will provide it as you do 

but their actions seem to break you 

rather than build you 

love is knowing whom to choose

i live for that first second in the morning 

when i am still half-conscious 

i hear the hummingbirds outside 

flirting with the flowers 

i hear the flowers giggling 

and the bees growing jealous 

when i turn over to wake you 

it starts all over again 

the panting 

the wailing 

the shock 

of realizing 

that you’ve left 

– the first mornings without you

i could be anything
in the world
but i wanted to be his

Infók:
Rupi Kaur: the sun and her flowers
Kiadó: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2017.
Oldalszám: 256 oldal
Hol szerezheted be a könyvet? Bookdepository-ról.

Mit kell tudni Rupiról? Rupi Kaur is a writer and artist based in Toronto, Canada. With a focus in poetry, she released her first book of prose and poems in November 2014. Throughout her poetry, photography, illustrations, and creative direction she engages with themes of femininity, love, loss, trauma, and healing. When she is not writing or creating art, she is travelling internationally to perform her spoken word poetry, as well as hosting writing workshops. / Forrás: Goodreads.
TeenVogue interjú.